3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize