my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
