Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
