Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The air was thick with penises
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
