In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
