I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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