But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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