i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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