we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
