Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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