In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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