wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
