I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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