I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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