In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
