remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
