those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
