Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He shit in the fireplace
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
