one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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