you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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