Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
