yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's blow job season.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
