my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
