I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
