dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
