My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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