I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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