you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
