I think im going to throw up on grandma
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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