at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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