What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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