I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
