There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
