the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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