I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
