Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
