I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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