No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize