You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
