Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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