I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
