I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
