I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
