I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
