no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
this just has baby written all over it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
