My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
