based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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