I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
