It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fuck appropriateness.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
