foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
