Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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