Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
