this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How naked do you want me to be?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
