I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
