I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
