I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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