I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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