I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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