It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
