Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
