I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
