It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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