Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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