It was confusing and full of hummus
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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