It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
