Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
