i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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