Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Four minutes until I can fart!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
