What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
